Do you remember back to the day you received the news you were being promoted to a managerial position? For most of us, many thoughts went through our heads. And, much information went over it. For many, the most important questions was how much more money will I make? For far too few of us, the promotion “package” included training on how to be a good boss.
So, how did you learn to be a good boss? This question has intrigued me for a while. When I meet someone who is a good boss, I ask how s/he learned his or her “boss skills.” One female CEO of a long-term health care facility said she learned her lessons from her parents. She shared with me her memories of her father helping people whenever he came across someone who needed a boost, but not ever letting others know he had done so. She feels these childhood lessons inspired her to choose health care as a career. These experiences also shaped her managerial practice of finding ways to help her employees in ways they would not be able to do for themselves. Examples include: providing training at her own expense so an entry level employee can move up to a higher paying position and better support his family; scheduling activities that include employees’ families at least quarterly; encouraging employees to be involved in community service projects; and, “adopting” needy families, not just at holiday seasons, but year round. This sometimes includes an employee and his or her family, but no one else at the facility knows this fact.
A healthcare association executive who was a coaching client told me he declined a promotion as he felt he was learning valuable lessons and skills from his present boss. He felt the short-term situation would have long-term benefits for his career and him personally. And, he said he has never regretted his decision. He also shared that he still remembers and honors that boss by passing on the valuable lessons he learned to his employees.
When I asked this question of a colleague, she credited her parents with teaching her the values of honesty, compassion and accountability that laid the foundation for her good boss philosophy and practices. She told me her golden rule is asking people to always tell her the truth, as quickly as possible. No matter how difficult the situation may seem, she always tells her employees the truth. Her employees respect her for this. And, they trust her because of it. Before someone likes us as a boss, they need to trust us.
When I thought about this question, I realized I am so passionate about teaching people to be bosses employees love to work for because my bosses were not always good. In fact, I left my first laboratory position within ten months because my boss was knowingly allowing unqualified people to work in critical care areas because she did not want to be in conflict with them. My next boss was so brusque with people that it was embarrassing for me to bring people to her office. She also locked the door at the appointed start time of meetings. If you were not on time, you did not get in. She intimidated people so much they were afraid of her. I definitely learned from her how I did NOT want to be. One of my bosses used to read the newspaper as he listened to me on the telephone. I quickly realized I was wasting my time trying to communicate with him. I came to the conclusion I learned more of what I did not want to do, than what to do to be a good boss from most of my bosses. These experiences definitively shaped my management beliefs.
Early in my career, I thought I could learn all I needed to know about being a great boss by attending classes. And, I did learn much about hiring, appraising and scheduling from my classes on supervising health care employees at a local university. I also learned how to plan, organize, direct and manage my time more effectively from the management classes offered at my hospital. My MBA classes allowed me to add business knowledge to my BS degree. And, various classes and audiotapes I listened to in my car taught me specific skills such as listening, training new employees and what motivates us to act as we do. Yet, it was an experience during my early days at a diagnostics company that was most valuable to helping me to be a boss people wanted to work for. I was the new “kid” in the department. On Monday, our boss gave us a project to complete by the end of that week. By Tuesday, when no one else seemed to be concerned about getting this project started, let a lone completed, I suggested we get together before lunch and come up with a plan. Armed with my great planning and organizational skills and my results-oriented motivation, I thought we created a good action plan. As I walked into the ladies room to wash my hands before lunch, I was met with a human wall of resistance. Four of my colleagues were standing in a line with their arms crossed and their tempers flaring. One of them shouted at me: “You are not my boss and I don’t have to listen to you.” She was upset (and jealous) that I had taken charge. And, she had encouraged several others to see things her way. They, too, now refused to participate in the plan we had finalized as a group just minutes ago. Although the rest of us finished the project on time, it was not a pleasant experience. It was a week of us versus them, emotional outbursts and more fiction than fact telling. Despite the importance of all my knowledge and skills, I realized all work is done by and with other people. And, although it is necessary to know how to manage tasks and results, it is good people skills that create good working relationships. As a close friend of mine always tells me: “Make a sale, make a living. Make a relationship, create a life.”
My belief is relationships are the foundation to life, professional and personal. And, all relationships with others start with your relationship with yourself. Self-awareness is a key characteristic most often cited in great leaders. If you do not know and honor who you are, you are at the whim of any strong fluctuations of mood and energy around you. The more you understand, accept and honor about yourself, good and not so good, the more readily you understand, accept and honor those around you. If you are happy with yourself, you are most often happy with those around you. If you tend to find fault with yourself, you do so with others. Some ways to get to know yourself better are self-assessment tools, personal development training and coaching. Pay attention to how you allow external events and the way other people feel to tell you how you should feel. And, listen to your self-talk. Is your life ruled by “shoulds” and “have-to’s” or “I want to”? The choice is yours to make!
Not only is it important for you to know yourself. It is essential that you know how others perceive you. I have found there is about a 60% overlap in how we see ourselves and how our employees perceive us. My experiences have also shown that what we value in ourselves is not always valued by others. And, the things we think are no big deal because they come so easily to us are often greatly admired by others.
The easiest way to find out what others think of us and our boss skills is to ask our peers, boss and employees how they perceive us and what they value in their relationship with us. Yet, I find both bosses and employees are often reluctant to share this information. A formalized process of feedback, such as a 360° assessment, can provide this type of information, particularly if you are willing to allow employees to respond anonymously. My experience has shown these processes only work when we intend them to help people, rather than a way to find fault. To help me improve my boss skills, I asked each employee to appraise me each year. It helped me to get to know what they valued and appreciated in me, as well as ways I could improve my working relationship with them.
Another way to get to know employees and learn how to best work with them is to share break and social times. This is even more critical for those of you who manage a large number of people over multiple shifts. Interacting with them during their shifts helps you to experience the environment in which they work, and, to show you are interested in them as individuals. Each employee wants to feel special. Spending time with your employees allows you to discover what makes each person “tick.” And, how to make each person feel respected, appreciated and cared for. It also allows you to see them as unique individuals rather than an employee number, a name or a position.
Another way to enhance your relationship with your employees is to share your personal development plans with them. According to an article in Fast Company, “Today, many of the world’s most respected chief executives are setting a positive example by opening up, striving continually to develop themselves as leaders. In fact, organizations that do the best job of cranking out leaders tend to have CEO’s who are directly and actively involved in leadership development. No question, one of the best ways top executives can get their leaders to improve is to work on improving themselves. Leading by example can mean a lot more that leading by public relations hype.” (1)
How do you help others prepare to be good leaders? Delegate responsibilities to them, particularly the ones you know they can succeed in. Always be available for questions. Never make anyone feel stupid for asking a question. In turn, your employees will feel comfortable turning to you for advice and guidance. This will foster a trusting environment with you and your employees. And, get out of the way when you are not needed. If you see an employee handling their workload efficiently, don’t hover overt them. Let them do what they do best and offer input only when asked.
Give them opportunities to make decisions. Show them that you trust their judgment and are confident they have the ability to make the right decisions on their own. I learned this skill from my first boss at a diagnostics firm. I was so used to having to have approval for everything I did, that I called him before making any decisions, large or small. First, he asked me to think of three solutions to each situation I was calling about. After a few weeks of this, he asked me to choose which I thought was the best choice. As you may have already guessed, I stopped calling him and made my own decisions. Yet, I was only able to do this because I knew he trusted my choices.
One of the best ways I have found to help bosses earn their Good Boss degree is to pair them with a well-liked senior manager. Mentoring keeps senior managers engaged. It also demonstrates appreciation for their extensive experience, knowledge and skills. When you see knowledge is lacking in a particular area, take the time to train the employee. And, whenever you or your employees attend a seminar, share what you have learned with the department. One of the best ways to reinforce learning is to teach what you have learned.
Although the MBA class I teach on interpersonal skills includes communication, behavioral styles, problem solving, conflict management and diversity, it is difficult to actually learn these skills in a classroom setting. Sharing personal experiences and lessons help solidify the learning. Be available to answer their questions. Create peer groups with other new managers in your facility where they can brain storm solutions and share experiences.
From working with bosses in all areas and at all levels, I know most truly want to be good bosses. Yet, not all of us are. Most often, I find, it is because no one has taught us how to be good bosses. I believe in the adage that says: “people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” You can be the best organizer, time manager, or most efficient person, yet, if your employees do not believe you care about them, you will not earn your Good Boss degree. In order to trust you, people needs to like you. In order to like you, people need to know you. All the classes, seminars, degrees and book learning in the world on techniques and systems, though important, will never supplant good people skills. Take time to reflect on your values, who you are and why you do what you do in the way you do it. And, worry less about how neat your office is and whether every item on your to-do list is crossed off. Spend your time listening, sharing what is important to you and getting to know your employees. Your reward will be knowing you have made a difference in people’s lives. What could be more important?
1. Goldsmith, Marshall, “To Help Others Develop, Start with Yourself,” Fast Company, March 2004, p. 100
Nancy Riesz, MBA,, is an interpersonal effectiveness expert who teaches people to work together … better. Through her presentations, seminars, coaching, and writing, she works with people and their organizations to create places where people want to come to work, be bosses people love to work for, and helps them do what they do best. Nancy can be reached at Nancy@SuccessCatalyst.com or through her Web site at
www.SuccessCatalyst.com
